It's 1:53 AM.

I'm in a bit of a blogging slump.

Besides Jason and Jordan being away last week, it's been chilly out most days, and even a bit rainy, and it's no secret that my inner soul just doesn't handle it well.

I find myself wiiiiiiiiide awake right now. Today, Jason went back to work, which means it was just me and Jordan today. For the first time, in a long time. And I'm almost ashamed to admit that it made me realize, how much I miss everyday.. and how much he is changing so quickly.

He has these 2 little faces now, that make me chuckle like a little kid. His "open mouth smile".. which he does when he is proud, or something is exciting him... and his "squinty tooth smile.." which is just does when he wants to and I want to just kiss his face off.

I miss him. I miss him while he sleeps, and I want so badly to go in there and scoop him up and just hold him and have him sleep on me all night long.

It's Friday night, and you know what? I didn't even realize it. Because I couldn't care less about much else than being with my family. Watching Jordan as he goes back and forth from clinging to the bottom of my leg to toddling to the fridge to play with the new magnets. Eating half of my dinner plate because I'm more interested in making sure that he's fed properly. Filling the bathtub with just the right amount of soap so he doesn't consume too many bubbles as he splashes and gives me a bath too.

I'm so filled with emotions... and I'm bursting with this feeling of love so hard right now that it's giving me this overwhelming boost of energy which is keeping me awake at ridiculous hours when I should be fast asleep on my body swallowing pillow top mattress.

It's the best, and the scariest feeling you can imagine. The best for all of the obvious reasons (& more).. and the scariest when you turn on the news and remind yourself that we're really in a scary situation world wide. As some describe, the Biblical end. But I try to put those thoughts aside and just.. be.

But I needed today.

I needed today, to sort of kick me in the ass, and remind me that even though it's cold.. we should be taking pictures. We should be bundling up and going to swing anyway. Or if it's too rainy then we should find a way to swing inside, better known as the mommy swing. Don't get me wrong, we play all day. But I'm talking about that, lets find something to do that makes us smile until our face hurts, play.

Benedryl is kicking in.

Off to see that sweet little face, one more time before I lay my shower-wet hair on my cold pillow. :)